Believing in myself

First talk
First talk

The first time I allowed someone to see the side of me that was creative was the scariest thing I had ever done. It was 2 years ago and I wrote a poem expressing the personality of a  person that just could not see the good in himself. It took  me a whole 10 minutes to write because the words just flowed from my mind to the page. It took me much longer tho to build the courage to actually give it to him.

When I finally did, it was the most excruciating thing I had ever done. As he read that page I felt like he was reading my soul. It was a true reflection of a side to me that nobody has ever seen. All I could think was oh my goodness his going to hate it what if he laughs at me what if it’s terrible. Everything inside of me wanted to take it back and hope that he had not seen it. But instead he looked at me and said “wow Tammy this is brilliant I’m truly touched” he then went on to ask me why I don’t write more of these and make a book. Or share it with the world at least, but I did not believe that the world would love me and really I’ve me for who I truly am. And so I chose to keep writing as usual but continue keeping my thoughts to myself. The thing about finally showing my work to someone tho lifted a weight off my shoulders. The weight that I carried with me all my life that I’m not good enough that people will laugh when they see the intimate side to me. I could not unhear the words that he said to me. That it was brilliant and that I should share it. It had created a light inside of me that I didn’t realise would never dim. As it grew so did I, through my writing I began to feel the need for me to believe in my life to believe in my story and to believe that I was not meant to be quiet and to hide myself and my life from the world. That what I once felt ashamed of i now know that everything that I am and everything that I have lived through was for a purpose. It was all a part of my journey in finding me and in doing my best to help anyone I can to know who they and to believe in themselves. I’m well on my way and there is only progress and growth in my path. I finally see that the light that burns in me is powerful enough to share and hopefully strong enough to ignite a flame in anyone it touches.

It may have taken 37 years for me to get to this point but here I am, living, breathing and fighting the fight of life. Doing all that I can to play my part in this world and to be the best version of myself so that I can shine my light on every single being that I can reach.

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