Whats your number?

A question that once meant, “what’s your phone number?”  Of course if you were wise you wouldn’t just give it to any Tom Dick or Harry. In this current time, I found that when asked what’s your number it could also mean your “number” as in “how many men have you slept with?”  Or do you even have a number?  I don’t know which is worse tho, is it the assumption that you have the right to know how many men I’ve slept with before you? Or that you assume that there have been so many that we wouldn’t even know the number?


Firstly, putting pressure on a woman to answer this question truly is one of the most disrespectful things you could do to her. Assuming that whether she says 2 or 20 your reaction will still be one of annoyance that she has been with someone besides you. I mean what’s YOUR number dude? Care to share? Or do you even have a number?

I was asked this question in a jokey, not so serious way not so long ago and I laughed because I knew that even though he didn’t require an answer he was watching my body language, my response to determine if this made me uncomfortable or not. I of course am not uncomfortable with who I am and what I have done? But I bring this up not because I was offended; I was not, I bring it up because I remember a time when this question would have killed me both on the inside and out and I would not have been able to hide how I felt about it?  I bring it up for all the other women who will be crushed by this question! For me and for many others,  do I include the molestation as a number or do I include the guy that decided I was his to take  at 15 even though I didn’t want to?  So if I had never been with anyone willingly and someone asked me what’s my number? Would it be 2?  Or would it be zero? Please help me to understand how questioning a women’s number in any way helps you to judge what kind of person she is? What about the child who’s father decided he would sleep with her or the one who’s brother tried and experimented on her? Although this is not me, I have met women who have this story! My question is; what does she say to you? The arrogant person that has the audacity to question this, the male who is questioning her worth based on her number. If she was gang raped by 10 men? Does this make her number 10? Even though she didn’t want it to be?  What does she say to you?

This world has become a place where our children are being raped abused and molested, and then judged because of their reaction to these things. Please, before you ask that question, consider maybe that her worth is not in the amount of men that she has slept with but in her heart; in how fiercely she loves, in how the fire in her eyes burns for life, for love and for peace. Don’t stir in her an emotion that even if she wanted to take back she could not, instead embrace her for who she is now and for what she stands for today.


To all the women in the world who have not had the easiest lives and have had to make sacrifices for survival, for those that were taken advantage of, for those women who are fighting to overcome their past and to grow into better and brighter human beings. to those who have never been hurt and are still in tact. to every woman out there whether you are a virgin or have been with 200 men and all in between. your worth is not based on anything that you may or may not have done in your past. Your worth is based on who you are now, today! If you feel that you need to heal and grow then you heal yourself and you grow. Dont let another person take away you worth, or tell you that you are nothing. I don’t care who they think they are; you are a beautiful creation, born to be a bright light in this world , you deserve all your hearts desires and you are worth more than what your mind and heart can perceive.

You are loved and you are cherished! you are here! Be a force in this world to be reckoned with. Hold you head up high and walk your path as best you can. Dont let anybody tell you that you can’t because you can! You are alive and you have breath in your body, you can be anything you put your heart to if you work at it every day and take a small step each day!



Written By: Tammy Murphy


Featured post

What a girl wants!

IMG-20150916-WA0013What a girl wants vs what she thinks she wants.
All my life I thought I wanted everything that looks good on the outside. Pretty cars clothes and of course good looking guy. I mean which girl doesn’t want these things.  It took superficial things to make me happy… or so I thought. I mean I never really did have the fancy car but I made up there with always looking good and making sure whoever is on my arm fit the profile somehow. I wanted everyone to approve always and even though I never did say it out loud I felt it when they didn’t.  I mean life is all about making everyone else happy right? Wrong!! It took me a lifetime to finally realize that what I thought I wanted wasn’t what I really wanted at all. And in pretending and pleasing the world instead of myself I denied myself what everyone truly wants on the inside. I denied myself peace of mind, love and family. After all these years what this girl really wanted was to feel like she belonged somewhere and to know she can trust the people she is surrounded by with lifting her up instead of putting her down. What this girl really wants is a safe home for her family. Love in her home and people she can truly call friend. It turns out that in the end, none of that superficial stuff really mattered because it doesn’t last forever. But love does along with peace of mind and true happiness from within.






Try not to look for superficial things in living your life, instead look for those things that don’t come with a price tag because everybody knows that the best things in life are free!


Written by: Tammy Murphy

Clean it out!

Don’t hold onto moments from painful experiences. Let your past go! Forgive yourself and others. letLet go completely, don’t hang onto the memories of pain and free yourself from it all. Don’t marry your past, start with a clean slate! New beginnings, new life! Jump into your future by embracing who you are with all your mistakes. Believe that you deserve more, believe that you are more. Take the chances! Walk into the door that opens for you. Listen to your guide and do the right thing always.

People are going to try to hold you back, but don’t let them. They cannot see through your eyes and they cannot live your life for you. You mustn’t allow the words and baggage of others to drag you down. It’s important to move forward in your own path no matter what the world throws at you. They will try to keep you where you are because they do not understand your path and they do not know better. Unfortunately in order to move forward you have to let go of some people too. Cleaning out your past won’t be the easiest thing to do, but the rewards of letting go are indescribable!

Be your best, let go of your past, live your life according to your truth. Set yourself free!


Written by: Tammy Murphy


I started writing this blog to get myself out of a comfort zone that had me trapped for too many years. It was a way to face fears and to conquer myself. But when something is all about you it almost feels as if there has to be more to life than just me.  I’ve always wanted to use my life and my story to help other people to overcome obstacles that they feel trapped in. Because I have found myself trapped with no one else but myself to lean on. It is the loneliest experience and it’s important that others know that they are not alone. There is always someone that can relate to you if you just allow your self to open up to the possibility.  So my why went from a healing process for myself to anyone that can relate to me. My intention is to be the light that I never had in this world. To help others find the light within  themselves and to help them see how significant their light is. The more you give the more you receive.  I choose to give light and in turn my light shines even brighter than ever before. Someone once said that we should be the light we wish to see in the world. And whoever that person was I am in total agreement with them. 

Written by Tammy Murphy

Comfort in uncomfortable places

Charmel Bush;;)

My greatest challenge so far is the struggle I found myself in trying to escape my comfort zone. You see when comfort settles in we become dependent on it relying on our comfort for all things. When someone enters your world and rips the rug out from under your feet and totally disrupts your comfort zone it is so disorientating that many don’t know how to cope with a new reality and do everything within their power to find their way back to their comfort zone.

From my experience a comfort zone is never a good thing. Many that have lived their lives in pain are so used to the pain that they find themselves not being able to live without pain. They reject happiness they reject love even though deep within their beings they crave for these things.  A place that you are familiar with and know how to cope with, a place that blocks out everything that encourages growth. It’s a coping mechanism that helps those that need a lifeline to hold onto what they have in the fear of losing more.

I found comfort in keeping people at an arm’s length away; you see it’s truly difficult to allow new people into your heart when at every turn of your existence the only thing this has taught you is that new people bring pain. Friends break your confidence, boys break your heart, people leave, people die and even strangers will rob you of what is yours. Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? Well it actually is! It’s like living a nightmare every day of your life, fighting to stay as far away from life as you possibly can while also trying to fight the negative thoughts that you are saying to yourself along the way.

When you know no better it’s truly not your fault. It’s the fault of your circumstances. But when you know better you have to do better. When you know that your comfort zone is slowly killing your soul you have to do all that is in your power to find a way out. It’s your duty, your responsibility to pull yourself out of the comfortable pit that you find yourself in; easier said than done? Yes I know, comfort can be addictive because what we know is always so much easier than what we don’t know. What we don’t know can be so scary, BUT… if you stay where you are and you will surely die just where you are. You have to fight the fight that many are trying to win, you have to lo


ok for ways that you can relate to, ways that resonate with you, read a book , but if you don’t like to read a book watch a speaker, listen to a story, go to your place of worship, find some guidance, ask a friend, be a friend, look around you, if you look for a way out, a way out will find you… but if you keep your eyes closed in your darkness then you will never find your light. Open your eyes, look for a way out never stop looking, no matter how long it takes, no matter how crazy you seem to others, no matter how little they understand of your fight, of your journey. Keep looking, you WILL find what you are looking for in ways that you never thought possible. When you look for your way out, your way out will find you!


Don’t give up on yourself, believe that you can do more; you can be more-; that you are more. You are who you say you are, so say something beautiful to yourself about yourself every day , no matter what your circumstances are no matter how painful it may be. Challenge yourself to find the light inside yourself every single day.


Written by: Tammy Murphy


Sharing my heart


Without me realizing I was doing it, I found myself sharing my heart with people that I trusted. As I shared myself with them I began to see how my story affected their hearts. Many are mostly alarmed that I haven’t ended up in a gutter somewhere or dead, but instead stand in front of them happy and motivated to help in any and every situation that I can. My gift of sharing has become my strength. The ability to help those that are struggling with everything that I had to face on my own.  I feel fulfilled when I can open the eyes of someone that couldn’t see past their current situations or if I can use myself as a tool to lighten the load that they have had to carry and aim to help them empty it out completely. My struggle was real and still today I rise above everything that I have had to face, but instead of curling up in a ball and crying every day and moping about, I choose to do the best of my ability to share myself and put myself in the midst of the world reaching out to help when and where I can. It gives me a sense of purpose, knowing that everything I have had to live through was for a reason and I can use it to make a difference not only in my life but in the lives of others.

Its important for you to give as much of your self as you can to try an improve anything in the world. Yesterday I sat at a seminar listening to an American list all the amazing things he has done in our country for the last 4 years and he then proceeded to ask, what have you done with the last 4 years of your life? Many people around me felt terrible because this question startles most. However even though I have not been able to reach as many people as he was , I am proud to say that I can wholeheartedly say that in the last 4 years I have made a difference in many lives in different ways. whether it was a talk, a little advice, a nudge in the right direction, whether I helped you build the courage you need or if I have helped you see what you couldn’t see at the time.  I am slowly building myself into the person I wish to become , step by step, sharing myself in phases to avoid being overwhelmed by anything I may not have anticipated.


Written By: Tammy Murphy


Believing in myself

First talk
First talk

The first time I allowed someone to see the side of me that was creative was the scariest thing I had ever done. It was 2 years ago and I wrote a poem expressing the personality of a  person that just could not see the good in himself. It took  me a whole 10 minutes to write because the words just flowed from my mind to the page. It took me much longer tho to build the courage to actually give it to him.

When I finally did, it was the most excruciating thing I had ever done. As he read that page I felt like he was reading my soul. It was a true reflection of a side to me that nobody has ever seen. All I could think was oh my goodness his going to hate it what if he laughs at me what if it’s terrible. Everything inside of me wanted to take it back and hope that he had not seen it. But instead he looked at me and said “wow Tammy this is brilliant I’m truly touched” he then went on to ask me why I don’t write more of these and make a book. Or share it with the world at least, but I did not believe that the world would love me and really I’ve me for who I truly am. And so I chose to keep writing as usual but continue keeping my thoughts to myself. The thing about finally showing my work to someone tho lifted a weight off my shoulders. The weight that I carried with me all my life that I’m not good enough that people will laugh when they see the intimate side to me. I could not unhear the words that he said to me. That it was brilliant and that I should share it. It had created a light inside of me that I didn’t realise would never dim. As it grew so did I, through my writing I began to feel the need for me to believe in my life to believe in my story and to believe that I was not meant to be quiet and to hide myself and my life from the world. That what I once felt ashamed of i now know that everything that I am and everything that I have lived through was for a purpose. It was all a part of my journey in finding me and in doing my best to help anyone I can to know who they and to believe in themselves. I’m well on my way and there is only progress and growth in my path. I finally see that the light that burns in me is powerful enough to share and hopefully strong enough to ignite a flame in anyone it touches.

It may have taken 37 years for me to get to this point but here I am, living, breathing and fighting the fight of life. Doing all that I can to play my part in this world and to be the best version of myself so that I can shine my light on every single being that I can reach.

Everything in its place



Opening yourself up to new people and to different things isn’t always as easy as it seems. For some of us it takes defying everything that we have installed in our current operating system (mind). There are very few people that I connect with on a real level. What I find is that whenever I do find such a person it is always someone that has the ability to push me to the next level.  I don’t ask for these people to be sent into my life, but I’m truly grateful that they do.

If one attracts what they are, th22DADCE4en the improvement in the state of my being have really grown exponentially over the last few years. I find myself in circles of positive people, filled with support of who I am and what I want to do; and I am distanced from those that criticize and put me down. This change is also not something that I asked for, but as I learned to love myself and improve myself, being around anyone that treats me less than I deserve just isn’t worth my time. So I found myself alone and isolated from what I knew because it just didn’t feel right anymore. Yet from that isolation and distance the people that enter my life now are on a different level to what I was used to;and more concurrent to the path that I am now on.

Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that every single person from my past is toxic, because that would not be true. I just needed to separate myself from everyone to finally hear my own voice and figure out what direction I needed to go. When your life is too noisy and you cannot hear your own voice, it’s necessary to take drastic steps to quieten everything down in order to find your bearings. As I progress in finding my true voice- the one I was born to be , the one that is not silenced by pain and suffering-  I believe I will find my way to all those both in my past and future that are true to me and my calling. For I know in my heart where I belong and the journey to find that place is what makes me stand tall and strong; able to face adversity and overcome obstacles thrown in my way.

I am not on tadele-emmanuel.jpghis journey alone, I have never been and I am truly grateful to every single soul that has played an important role in my growth. Whatever role it was whether positive or negative. If I had not crossed every path, met every person, made every single mistake and endured so much pain; I would not be the woman that I am today, I would not be the power that I am today and I certainly would not be the strength that I am today. So to every person place and thing that has touched my life and molded me into the woman I am right now- I thank you, I embrace you and I definitely needed you, because now I see that no matter what I’ve been through or what you have done to me or deprived me of, how you loved me or hurt me, that it was all necessary to break me, mold me and create the person that stands tall today with her head held high – I have survived it all – I am still here!!


Written by: Tammy Murphy

The Road Less Traveled

Lil Me


For Most of my existence I have always chosen the road most travel. The one that blends me in and keeps me unnoticed. I have always tried my best to stay in the shadows of life, not to be seen or heard. I didn’t want to be noticed. Because I sought after this path, it is the one I received. Of course every now and then someone would see the light inside of me and try bringing it out by celebrating me and inside I would be conflicted between joy and fear. It always felt good when my dear friend made a fuss of me on my birthday, but nobody really ever made a fuss before and so I never did have the full experience of Joy because it was fear that always took over. Even though my heart always melted with joy silently. Because of the negative attention I was used to, my natural reaction was to avoid attention because I related it to pain. I was teased; I was told that I wasn’t pretty when I tried to make an effort. I of course at the time didn’t understand the reason was not of my own doing, because later on I would learn how very pretty I was and how I really wished I wasn’t because it meant people would try and take from me what was not theirs to take . As a result , I didn’t want to have these green eyes and blonde hair and I hated that I looked like this. I wanted to be pretty, because which little girl didn’t want to feel beautiful, but they just took away my right to be beautiful and turned it into panic and despair. So instead I did all that I could to hide my beauty, both inner and outer. I became one of the boys. But my friends always looked so pretty and made such an effort, and I longed to be like them, but I couldn’t. Too much had already been taken away from me, so I dressed like a boy most of the time. And it seemed to work, it kept me hidden. It also made me seem like something I was not. It turned me into something I couldn’t control and I was all of a sudden someone even I didn’t recognise.


You see I was born this bright shining little girl, as was every little girl, and the world slowly dimmed my shine. But as every other little girl that was dealt a bad hand I was very confused and didn’t understand why I could not have what the others had, why I could not be what I wanted to be, and why they kept turning me into something I was not. Why they made me feel less than I deserved and why did they blame me when my innocence was taken away from me. I wanted to be free, I tried to be free, but every time I pushed, the world pushed back. It may not have been the whole world, but it certainly was my world. It may have only been a single person that initiated it but to a little girl one person can be their worst nightmare. You see my world took away who I was, it drowned it in fear. So much that I wanted to be hidden, invisible… and I did well, with little or no effort I managed to be nobody, I chose to be nobody, I decided that I wasn’t worth being anybody. This path was the path many chose to follow, it is a road travelled by many, it is a road travelled by the world in pain, seeking to relieve their pain by not being seen. But this is not the path I was born to follow, nobody was born to follow. We go down this road seeking what we will never find there, we seek peace, we seek wholeness, and we seek a pain free life. No, the path most travelled by the world today does not lead to this that we seek. It leads to more destruction more pain, more brokenness.


Finally through many years of following the leader, of blending in, of trying to be what I was not, of ignoring the burning desire inside of me to break free, to be someone, to do something important, I finally found the strength and the courage to listen to the voice inside of me. The feeling that always told me I was more. Through years of reading and understanding, through many days and nights of tears and pain, I found that light inside of me again, I faced the fears that kept me hostage, I faced them through understanding, through forgiveness, through prayer and love. I found that little girl again, I found her light. I found it through the path less travelled, the difficult path, the one we try all our lives to avoid. I took the path that lead me to my light, my true being. I fought through the fear, I fought through the tears, I forgave what needed to be forgiven and I took my life back. Step by step. Problem by problem. Fear by fear. I took each one of them and made sure that they no longer dimmed my light.  I will shine, like the star that that I was created to be, the star that is now able to lead others to their light. To help them choose the road that is less travelled. Because that road dear friends, is the only road that will take you to where you need to be in life. To your true self, you true being, the person you were created to be. The road less travelled is the road that will lead you to a successful life. A life free of the weight that the world today put on our shoulders. A life where our strength is greater than that weight. Where one can overcome anything because they found a way to believe in themselves. Just like I did. It was not an easy road, but every step was worth it. For now I only seek to be true to myself always, to believe in myself, to trust myself with my life. No more hiding in the shadows, it’s time for the world to see who I truly am, who I was born to be.


Written by: Tammy Murphy

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