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Clean it out!

Don’t hold onto moments from painful experiences. Let your past go! Forgive yourself and others. letLet go completely, don’t hang onto the memories of pain and free yourself from it all. Don’t marry your past, start with a clean slate! New beginnings, new life! Jump into your future by embracing who you are with all your mistakes. Believe that you deserve more, believe that you are more. Take the chances! Walk into the door that opens for you. Listen to your guide and do the right thing always.

People are going to try to hold you back, but don’t let them. They cannot see through your eyes and they cannot live your life for you. You mustn’t allow the words and baggage of others to drag you down. It’s important to move forward in your own path no matter what the world throws at you. They will try to keep you where you are because they do not understand your path and they do not know better. Unfortunately in order to move forward you have to let go of some people too. Cleaning out your past won’t be the easiest thing to do, but the rewards of letting go are indescribable!

Be your best, let go of your past, live your life according to your truth. Set yourself free!

R

Written by: Tammy Murphy

Why

I started writing this blog to get myself out of a comfort zone that had me trapped for too many years. It was a way to face fears and to conquer myself. But when something is all about you it almost feels as if there has to be more to life than just me.  I’ve always wanted to use my life and my story to help other people to overcome obstacles that they feel trapped in. Because I have found myself trapped with no one else but myself to lean on. It is the loneliest experience and it’s important that others know that they are not alone. There is always someone that can relate to you if you just allow your self to open up to the possibility.  So my why went from a healing process for myself to anyone that can relate to me. My intention is to be the light that I never had in this world. To help others find the light within  themselves and to help them see how significant their light is. The more you give the more you receive.  I choose to give light and in turn my light shines even brighter than ever before. Someone once said that we should be the light we wish to see in the world. And whoever that person was I am in total agreement with them. 

Written by Tammy Murphy

Comfort in uncomfortable places

Charmel Bush;;)

My greatest challenge so far is the struggle I found myself in trying to escape my comfort zone. You see when comfort settles in we become dependent on it relying on our comfort for all things. When someone enters your world and rips the rug out from under your feet and totally disrupts your comfort zone it is so disorientating that many don’t know how to cope with a new reality and do everything within their power to find their way back to their comfort zone.

From my experience a comfort zone is never a good thing. Many that have lived their lives in pain are so used to the pain that they find themselves not being able to live without pain. They reject happiness they reject love even though deep within their beings they crave for these things.  A place that you are familiar with and know how to cope with, a place that blocks out everything that encourages growth. It’s a coping mechanism that helps those that need a lifeline to hold onto what they have in the fear of losing more.

I found comfort in keeping people at an arm’s length away; you see it’s truly difficult to allow new people into your heart when at every turn of your existence the only thing this has taught you is that new people bring pain. Friends break your confidence, boys break your heart, people leave, people die and even strangers will rob you of what is yours. Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? Well it actually is! It’s like living a nightmare every day of your life, fighting to stay as far away from life as you possibly can while also trying to fight the negative thoughts that you are saying to yourself along the way.

When you know no better it’s truly not your fault. It’s the fault of your circumstances. But when you know better you have to do better. When you know that your comfort zone is slowly killing your soul you have to do all that is in your power to find a way out. It’s your duty, your responsibility to pull yourself out of the comfortable pit that you find yourself in; easier said than done? Yes I know, comfort can be addictive because what we know is always so much easier than what we don’t know. What we don’t know can be so scary, BUT… if you stay where you are and you will surely die just where you are. You have to fight the fight that many are trying to win, you have to lo

 

ok for ways that you can relate to, ways that resonate with you, read a book , but if you don’t like to read a book watch a speaker, listen to a story, go to your place of worship, find some guidance, ask a friend, be a friend, look around you, if you look for a way out, a way out will find you… but if you keep your eyes closed in your darkness then you will never find your light. Open your eyes, look for a way out never stop looking, no matter how long it takes, no matter how crazy you seem to others, no matter how little they understand of your fight, of your journey. Keep looking, you WILL find what you are looking for in ways that you never thought possible. When you look for your way out, your way out will find you!

 

Don’t give up on yourself, believe that you can do more; you can be more-; that you are more. You are who you say you are, so say something beautiful to yourself about yourself every day , no matter what your circumstances are no matter how painful it may be. Challenge yourself to find the light inside yourself every single day.

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Written by: Tammy Murphy

 

Sharing my heart

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Without me realizing I was doing it, I found myself sharing my heart with people that I trusted. As I shared myself with them I began to see how my story affected their hearts. Many are mostly alarmed that I haven’t ended up in a gutter somewhere or dead, but instead stand in front of them happy and motivated to help in any and every situation that I can. My gift of sharing has become my strength. The ability to help those that are struggling with everything that I had to face on my own.  I feel fulfilled when I can open the eyes of someone that couldn’t see past their current situations or if I can use myself as a tool to lighten the load that they have had to carry and aim to help them empty it out completely. My struggle was real and still today I rise above everything that I have had to face, but instead of curling up in a ball and crying every day and moping about, I choose to do the best of my ability to share myself and put myself in the midst of the world reaching out to help when and where I can. It gives me a sense of purpose, knowing that everything I have had to live through was for a reason and I can use it to make a difference not only in my life but in the lives of others.

Its important for you to give as much of your self as you can to try an improve anything in the world. Yesterday I sat at a seminar listening to an American list all the amazing things he has done in our country for the last 4 years and he then proceeded to ask, what have you done with the last 4 years of your life? Many people around me felt terrible because this question startles most. However even though I have not been able to reach as many people as he was , I am proud to say that I can wholeheartedly say that in the last 4 years I have made a difference in many lives in different ways. whether it was a talk, a little advice, a nudge in the right direction, whether I helped you build the courage you need or if I have helped you see what you couldn’t see at the time.  I am slowly building myself into the person I wish to become , step by step, sharing myself in phases to avoid being overwhelmed by anything I may not have anticipated.

 

Written By: Tammy Murphy

 

Believing in myself

First talk
First talk

The first time I allowed someone to see the side of me that was creative was the scariest thing I had ever done. It was 2 years ago and I wrote a poem expressing the personality of a  person that just could not see the good in himself. It took  me a whole 10 minutes to write because the words just flowed from my mind to the page. It took me much longer tho to build the courage to actually give it to him.

When I finally did, it was the most excruciating thing I had ever done. As he read that page I felt like he was reading my soul. It was a true reflection of a side to me that nobody has ever seen. All I could think was oh my goodness his going to hate it what if he laughs at me what if it’s terrible. Everything inside of me wanted to take it back and hope that he had not seen it. But instead he looked at me and said “wow Tammy this is brilliant I’m truly touched” he then went on to ask me why I don’t write more of these and make a book. Or share it with the world at least, but I did not believe that the world would love me and really I’ve me for who I truly am. And so I chose to keep writing as usual but continue keeping my thoughts to myself. The thing about finally showing my work to someone tho lifted a weight off my shoulders. The weight that I carried with me all my life that I’m not good enough that people will laugh when they see the intimate side to me. I could not unhear the words that he said to me. That it was brilliant and that I should share it. It had created a light inside of me that I didn’t realise would never dim. As it grew so did I, through my writing I began to feel the need for me to believe in my life to believe in my story and to believe that I was not meant to be quiet and to hide myself and my life from the world. That what I once felt ashamed of i now know that everything that I am and everything that I have lived through was for a purpose. It was all a part of my journey in finding me and in doing my best to help anyone I can to know who they and to believe in themselves. I’m well on my way and there is only progress and growth in my path. I finally see that the light that burns in me is powerful enough to share and hopefully strong enough to ignite a flame in anyone it touches.

It may have taken 37 years for me to get to this point but here I am, living, breathing and fighting the fight of life. Doing all that I can to play my part in this world and to be the best version of myself so that I can shine my light on every single being that I can reach.

Everything in its place

 

 

Opening yourself up to new people and to different things isn’t always as easy as it seems. For some of us it takes defying everything that we have installed in our current operating system (mind). There are very few people that I connect with on a real level. What I find is that whenever I do find such a person it is always someone that has the ability to push me to the next level.  I don’t ask for these people to be sent into my life, but I’m truly grateful that they do.

If one attracts what they are, th22DADCE4en the improvement in the state of my being have really grown exponentially over the last few years. I find myself in circles of positive people, filled with support of who I am and what I want to do; and I am distanced from those that criticize and put me down. This change is also not something that I asked for, but as I learned to love myself and improve myself, being around anyone that treats me less than I deserve just isn’t worth my time. So I found myself alone and isolated from what I knew because it just didn’t feel right anymore. Yet from that isolation and distance the people that enter my life now are on a different level to what I was used to;and more concurrent to the path that I am now on.

Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that every single person from my past is toxic, because that would not be true. I just needed to separate myself from everyone to finally hear my own voice and figure out what direction I needed to go. When your life is too noisy and you cannot hear your own voice, it’s necessary to take drastic steps to quieten everything down in order to find your bearings. As I progress in finding my true voice- the one I was born to be , the one that is not silenced by pain and suffering-  I believe I will find my way to all those both in my past and future that are true to me and my calling. For I know in my heart where I belong and the journey to find that place is what makes me stand tall and strong; able to face adversity and overcome obstacles thrown in my way.

I am not on tadele-emmanuel.jpghis journey alone, I have never been and I am truly grateful to every single soul that has played an important role in my growth. Whatever role it was whether positive or negative. If I had not crossed every path, met every person, made every single mistake and endured so much pain; I would not be the woman that I am today, I would not be the power that I am today and I certainly would not be the strength that I am today. So to every person place and thing that has touched my life and molded me into the woman I am right now- I thank you, I embrace you and I definitely needed you, because now I see that no matter what I’ve been through or what you have done to me or deprived me of, how you loved me or hurt me, that it was all necessary to break me, mold me and create the person that stands tall today with her head held high – I have survived it all – I am still here!!

 

Written by: Tammy Murphy

The Road Less Traveled

Lil Me

 

For Most of my existence I have always chosen the road most travel. The one that blends me in and keeps me unnoticed. I have always tried my best to stay in the shadows of life, not to be seen or heard. I didn’t want to be noticed. Because I sought after this path, it is the one I received. Of course every now and then someone would see the light inside of me and try bringing it out by celebrating me and inside I would be conflicted between joy and fear. It always felt good when my dear friend made a fuss of me on my birthday, but nobody really ever made a fuss before and so I never did have the full experience of Joy because it was fear that always took over. Even though my heart always melted with joy silently. Because of the negative attention I was used to, my natural reaction was to avoid attention because I related it to pain. I was teased; I was told that I wasn’t pretty when I tried to make an effort. I of course at the time didn’t understand the reason was not of my own doing, because later on I would learn how very pretty I was and how I really wished I wasn’t because it meant people would try and take from me what was not theirs to take . As a result , I didn’t want to have these green eyes and blonde hair and I hated that I looked like this. I wanted to be pretty, because which little girl didn’t want to feel beautiful, but they just took away my right to be beautiful and turned it into panic and despair. So instead I did all that I could to hide my beauty, both inner and outer. I became one of the boys. But my friends always looked so pretty and made such an effort, and I longed to be like them, but I couldn’t. Too much had already been taken away from me, so I dressed like a boy most of the time. And it seemed to work, it kept me hidden. It also made me seem like something I was not. It turned me into something I couldn’t control and I was all of a sudden someone even I didn’t recognise.

 

You see I was born this bright shining little girl, as was every little girl, and the world slowly dimmed my shine. But as every other little girl that was dealt a bad hand I was very confused and didn’t understand why I could not have what the others had, why I could not be what I wanted to be, and why they kept turning me into something I was not. Why they made me feel less than I deserved and why did they blame me when my innocence was taken away from me. I wanted to be free, I tried to be free, but every time I pushed, the world pushed back. It may not have been the whole world, but it certainly was my world. It may have only been a single person that initiated it but to a little girl one person can be their worst nightmare. You see my world took away who I was, it drowned it in fear. So much that I wanted to be hidden, invisible… and I did well, with little or no effort I managed to be nobody, I chose to be nobody, I decided that I wasn’t worth being anybody. This path was the path many chose to follow, it is a road travelled by many, it is a road travelled by the world in pain, seeking to relieve their pain by not being seen. But this is not the path I was born to follow, nobody was born to follow. We go down this road seeking what we will never find there, we seek peace, we seek wholeness, and we seek a pain free life. No, the path most travelled by the world today does not lead to this that we seek. It leads to more destruction more pain, more brokenness.

 

Finally through many years of following the leader, of blending in, of trying to be what I was not, of ignoring the burning desire inside of me to break free, to be someone, to do something important, I finally found the strength and the courage to listen to the voice inside of me. The feeling that always told me I was more. Through years of reading and understanding, through many days and nights of tears and pain, I found that light inside of me again, I faced the fears that kept me hostage, I faced them through understanding, through forgiveness, through prayer and love. I found that little girl again, I found her light. I found it through the path less travelled, the difficult path, the one we try all our lives to avoid. I took the path that lead me to my light, my true being. I fought through the fear, I fought through the tears, I forgave what needed to be forgiven and I took my life back. Step by step. Problem by problem. Fear by fear. I took each one of them and made sure that they no longer dimmed my light.  I will shine, like the star that that I was created to be, the star that is now able to lead others to their light. To help them choose the road that is less travelled. Because that road dear friends, is the only road that will take you to where you need to be in life. To your true self, you true being, the person you were created to be. The road less travelled is the road that will lead you to a successful life. A life free of the weight that the world today put on our shoulders. A life where our strength is greater than that weight. Where one can overcome anything because they found a way to believe in themselves. Just like I did. It was not an easy road, but every step was worth it. For now I only seek to be true to myself always, to believe in myself, to trust myself with my life. No more hiding in the shadows, it’s time for the world to see who I truly am, who I was born to be.

 

Written by: Tammy Murphy

Coffee Break

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It’s important that we take a break, but are we just throwing a cup of coffee down our throats or are we taking the time to take in the airoma  and actually enjoy the taste of a well brewed cup of coffee. There is nothing like the scent of coffee to awaken your senses and get you started or even get you re-started. Do we miss out on the enjoyment because we are too rushed to take the time to slow down and enjoy a small moment.

I’ve been so busy rushing through my life that I rarely took the time to stop and enjoy the moments. even when i was having the time of my life it just passed me by without me even taking a moment to inhale the surroundings and take it in. Its been so busy that I rarely even remember the details.

Its time to slow things down a bit and enjoy my break. Time to learn how to appreciate the little things in life that bring pleasure. The moments that sneak up on us, creating instant smiles. Maybe in this new found state of filling myself with the little things will I find my true potential.

 

 

 

Signs & Signals

badSigns vs signals , movement vs being stationary. It’s easy to know something and do nothing with that information. or be told something and agree, yet still do nothing with that information. Doing nothing gets you nowhere, its in the movement-no matter how slight it may be – where the changes occur.

For most of my adulthood I’ve been told that I have so much potential,I’ve heard it so often; yet at the same time I didn’t hear a thing. This is the norm for young people though, they don’t listen to what they are told and want to learn everything the hard way. So like most young people I heard what was said but at the same time ignored it.

Funny story though;when different people keep saying the same thing to you as years go by, one has to finally hear the words and see that there has to be something to them. I only started believing in myself a few years ago, when for the first time I realized that these people were being real and they really did see more in me than I did. They saw everything that I didn’t see and heard everything that I hadn’t heard about myself. To me I was just an angry person trying to get through the day, the week, the month. To them I was this burst of light waiting to explode on the world. I didn’t see it , but they did.

When I was 20 years old I went to a school for business. I excelled in everything I did there and received most of the top achiever awards. However because of my bad girl image and behavior nobody recognized me as this top achiever, instead they let someone who had lower marks than me and that received less awards than be get all the recognition. and all I was remembered for that night was my dress that was apparently too tight and short. I knew I was the best , I also knew that I wasn’t being acknowledged. I felt that , it hurt… but so did my entire existence. So instead of accepting my brilliant results , I was judged for my appearance and my outgoing nature. So I missed that sign. The one where my aggregate was 97% and I excelled because the signals given to me were based on my appearance and my personality.  The signs were there, the brilliance was there too, but I was too blinded by the signals people who expected me to be who they wanted me to be were giving me.

I believed the movement at the time, I believed that because that’s what was being presented to me that that was what I deserved. They gave pretty clear signals that I wasnt good enough. Dont get me wrong these people appeared to love me and want what was best for me, but when I left  they also changed the dress code to the graduation ceremonies. That was how I was remembered in that college.  They missed the essence of me, they missed the intelligence in me and they helped me to do exactly the same thing to myself.

The exact opposite happened once I started actual work. When I was a receptionist something inside of me always told me that I did not belong there,the same for sales and accounts. As I type this I am in my final week of accounts, I have finally acknowledged the signs that I missed, that I casually walked past without even noticing they were there. I have realised the signals I once received were a mere reflection of how I once felt about myself but the signs were always there.I just couldn’t see them because my vision was being blocked by the pain that life had once chosen to inflict on me.

That time is over, now my signs and signals are in sync with who I believe I am and not what the world wants me to be!

Written by: Tammy Murphy

Life changing jump-start!

I find that as human beings we struggle with believing in our ability to be the person that we picture ourselves as in our minds. We all have that vision of who we should be, but majority of the population by the time they reach adulthood have already given up on their vision.

Personally I don’t blame them as I was one of them. Life and its challenges tend to rip away the dream, the passion we are all born with to be the best that we can be. I cannot speak for everyone, I can only speak on what I know for sure through my own experience.

As a child I was a confident little girl, ballerina, great grades, well mannered. the spotlight didn’t worry me too much. I was being raised by a pessimist though, someone who avoided the spotlight, my mother the queen that she is to this day avoids any unnecessary attention. As much as I always blamed this incredibly strong woman for everything that went wrong in my life, she was not to blame. Life was to blame.

My innocence ripped from me, my family security ripped from me through divorce, my confidence ripped from me through peer pressure and bullies, my identity questioned through racial war and of course a broken heart. These are the things that dimmed the light that once shone brightly in my eyes to a point of almost going completely out.

It took years to figure this out, a lifetime for some. but finally I realized that none of these things defined who I was or who I am today. that nothing from my past can determine who I am now. Yes it will help to shape me an mold me. But I decide who I am. That vision of light and love that once was can be brightened again. I am a child of light and love and I finally see that I do not need to live in this day to day existence that the human race has called life. Working all day to receive an income that pretty much gets finished the day we receive it. Paying bills that will never end. The cycle is so vicious but most will never see the way out, they find themselves stuck in an existence that I describe as emotional torture. It puts the light inside of us out, and why? because we don’t believe that we can do better or be better. We don’t believe in the vision we see for ourselves. We let the world tell us that we are not good enough and we allow it to consume our souls.

I finally see how my life has been stolen from me by the world. I believed that I wasn’t good enough because the world around me told me I wasn’t. I fell into the trap set for me by this cruel world I found myself in. But now I am free. my mind has been free’d my soul has seen its light once again and I choose to follow the vision in my mind, the one I have for myself the one I have always had for myself.

I have taken a leap of faith in leaving the ways of this prison I found myself in called life, this job that barely keeps me afloat and I will soar to new heights, find new places and try new things. I have taken the first step, and now I will learn to walk my own path of life. Yes I will stumble and I may even fall a few times, but that’s how I learned to walk before and I know that in no time with practice and determination I will soon be running and jumping too!

Written by Tammy Murphy